{"product_id":"i-tried-being-normal-once-worst-five-minutes-of-my-entire-f-ing-life-t-shirt","title":"\"I Tried Being Normal Once... Worst Five Minutes of My Entire F***ing Life\" T-Shirt","description":"\u003ctable id=\"size-guide\" style=\"min-width:360px;\"\u003e\n            \u003cthead\u003e\n                \u003ctr\u003e\n                    \u003cth style=\"padding:10px;\"\u003e\u003c\/th\u003e\n                    \u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003eS\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003eM\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003eL\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003eXL\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003e2XL\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003e3XL\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003e4XL\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003e5XL\u003c\/th\u003e\n                \u003c\/tr\u003e\n            \u003c\/thead\u003e\n            \u003ctbody\u003e\n                \n                    \u003ctr\u003e\n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            Width, in\n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            18.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            20.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            22.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            24.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            26.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            28.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            30.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            32.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                    \u003c\/tr\u003e\n               \n                    \u003ctr\u003e\n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            Length, in\n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            28.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            29.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            30.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            31.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            32.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            33.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            34.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            35.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                    \u003c\/tr\u003e\n               \n                    \u003ctr\u003e\n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            Sleeve length (from center back), in\n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            15.10 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            16.50 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            18.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            19.50 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            21.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            22.40 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            23.70 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            25.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                    \u003c\/tr\u003e\n               \n                    \u003ctr\u003e\n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            Size tolerance, in\n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            1.50 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            1.50 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            1.50 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            1.50 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            1.50 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            1.50 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            1.50 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            1.50 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                    \u003c\/tr\u003e\n               \n            \u003c\/tbody\u003e\n        \u003c\/table\u003e\n        This tee carries a raw, unapologetic voice. Soft, mid-weight cotton holds a bold, distressed graphic across the back that reads like a shouted confession — equal parts dark humor and defiant self-awareness. Small chest and sleeve accents add layered personality without overwhelming the design, so the shirt reads like a statement piece you can wear loud or layer under a jacket. The classic crew and relaxed cut make it easy to move in; the sturdy knit and ribbed collar keep the shape through repeat wear. It sits well in casual wardrobes for nights out, music shows, or downtime when you want clothes that match your mood rather than hide it.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eProduct features\u003cbr\u003e- 100% cotton body (solid colors) — medium weight (180 g\/m²) for durable, year-round wear\u003cbr\u003e- Tubular knit, no side seams for a cleaner silhouette and less fabric waste\u003cbr\u003e- Ribbed knit collar and shoulder tape to retain shape and prevent stretching\u003cbr\u003e- Dual printing: DTF for sleeve\/neck prints and DTG for main graphics — crisp, detailed artwork\u003cbr\u003e- OEKO-TEX® certified, tear-away label, and EU 2-year warranty; ethically sourced US cotton\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCare instructions\u003cbr\u003e- Non-chlorine: bleach as needed\u003cbr\u003e- Do not iron\u003cbr\u003e- Do not dryclean\u003cbr\u003e- Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F)\u003cbr\u003e- Tumble dry: low heat\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eEU representative\u003c\/strong\u003e: HONSON VENTURES LIMITED, gpsr@honsonventures.com, 3, Gnaftis House flat 102, Limassol, Mesa Geitonia, 4003, CY\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eProduct information\u003c\/strong\u003e: Gildan 5000, 2 year warranty in EU and Northern Ireland as per Directive 1999\/44\/EC\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWarnings, Hazard\u003c\/strong\u003e: For adults, Made in Nicaragua\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCare instructions\u003c\/strong\u003e: Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F), Non-chlorine: bleach as needed, Tumble dry: low heat, Do not iron, Do not dryclean\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"S \/ Charcoal","offer_id":48288977584354,"sku":"26754968831622335427","price":36.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Light Blue","offer_id":48288977617122,"sku":"90177861340274510334","price":36.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Natural","offer_id":48288977649890,"sku":"26550077944807776095","price":36.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Navy","offer_id":48288977682658,"sku":"17315904297403856865","price":36.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Royal","offer_id":48288977715426,"sku":"21579884233920552850","price":36.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Sand","offer_id":48288977748194,"sku":"23712463298117993892","price":36.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Sport Grey","offer_id":48288977780962,"sku":"81763298418570633845","price":36.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ White","offer_id":48288977813730,"sku":"27977110445202396360","price":36.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Black","offer_id":48288977846498,"sku":"15081655760564848393","price":36.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Military Green","offer_id":48288977879266,"sku":"21803804129812972498","price":36.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Charcoal","offer_id":48288977912034,"sku":"54844697637424384946","price":36.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Light Blue","offer_id":48288977944802,"sku":"42132926377210904844","price":36.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Navy","offer_id":48288977977570,"sku":"14731035022824201933","price":36.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Royal","offer_id":48288978010338,"sku":"11819421178050481948","price":36.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Sand","offer_id":48288978043106,"sku":"20627160143143729520","price":36.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Sport Grey","offer_id":48288978075874,"sku":"33504341545592587193","price":36.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ White","offer_id":48288978108642,"sku":"16300878360663376603","price":36.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Black","offer_id":48288978141410,"sku":"22656855895424761621","price":36.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Military Green","offer_id":48288978174178,"sku":"31510303502898057873","price":36.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Charcoal","offer_id":48288978206946,"sku":"13525680599160791391","price":36.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Natural","offer_id":48288978239714,"sku":"88756730871891349547","price":36.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Navy","offer_id":48288978272482,"sku":"51893655326720431727","price":36.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Royal","offer_id":48288978305250,"sku":"14151608996997018080","price":36.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Sand","offer_id":48288978338018,"sku":"50100348313459297221","price":36.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Sport Grey","offer_id":48288978370786,"sku":"11528616433744200764","price":36.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ White","offer_id":48288978403554,"sku":"31766480298266212297","price":36.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Black","offer_id":48288978436322,"sku":"30882408574984590803","price":36.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Military Green","offer_id":48288978469090,"sku":"20605695043621393698","price":36.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Charcoal","offer_id":48288978501858,"sku":"22041165172530973741","price":36.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Natural","offer_id":48288978534626,"sku":"78285413752803572909","price":36.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Navy","offer_id":48288978567394,"sku":"22024169168078041393","price":36.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Royal","offer_id":48288978600162,"sku":"23899300907145604479","price":36.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Sand","offer_id":48288978632930,"sku":"24780195283750913485","price":36.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Sport Grey","offer_id":48288978665698,"sku":"18240571181658559123","price":36.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ White","offer_id":48288978698466,"sku":"22611703013217661705","price":36.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Black","offer_id":48288978731234,"sku":"23403105545282609652","price":36.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Military Green","offer_id":48288978764002,"sku":"25213116583108667392","price":36.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Charcoal","offer_id":48288978796770,"sku":"16895654704726035000","price":38.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Light Blue","offer_id":48288978829538,"sku":"14377734280152586476","price":38.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Navy","offer_id":48288978862306,"sku":"11005784930581064133","price":38.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Royal","offer_id":48288978895074,"sku":"23674598745824352765","price":38.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Sand","offer_id":48288978927842,"sku":"29418200672676605669","price":38.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Sport Grey","offer_id":48288978960610,"sku":"31621575082431119470","price":38.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ White","offer_id":48288978993378,"sku":"26084780595500129108","price":38.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Black","offer_id":48288979026146,"sku":"32654919646645140506","price":38.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL \/ Charcoal","offer_id":48288979058914,"sku":"40670981322855913967","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL \/ Navy","offer_id":48288979091682,"sku":"17975887480880131620","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL \/ Royal","offer_id":48288979124450,"sku":"44410529008838762592","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL \/ Sport Grey","offer_id":48288979157218,"sku":"81787936324147405209","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL \/ White","offer_id":48288979189986,"sku":"13400167009947575526","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL \/ Black","offer_id":48288979222754,"sku":"32495138110895444843","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL \/ Military Green","offer_id":48288979255522,"sku":"12205491056847104956","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4XL \/ Navy","offer_id":48288979288290,"sku":"30971586813110998587","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4XL \/ Royal","offer_id":48288979321058,"sku":"18697134106580216368","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4XL \/ Sport Grey","offer_id":48288979353826,"sku":"29892542109005845918","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4XL \/ White","offer_id":48288979386594,"sku":"24559800755918562848","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4XL \/ Black","offer_id":48288979419362,"sku":"28118239928126922479","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"5XL \/ Navy","offer_id":48288979452130,"sku":"18953805015578810368","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"5XL \/ Royal","offer_id":48288979484898,"sku":"98789409632470927113","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"5XL \/ Sport Grey","offer_id":48288979517666,"sku":"17940430809784828962","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"5XL \/ White","offer_id":48288979550434,"sku":"27957139016479823283","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"5XL \/ Black","offer_id":48288979583202,"sku":"14375342672103106769","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0811\/1416\/9570\/files\/1137433660906894524_2048.jpg?v=1788061336","url":"https:\/\/patrioticbrandon.net\/products\/i-tried-being-normal-once-worst-five-minutes-of-my-entire-f-ing-life-t-shirt","provider":"Patriotic Brandon","version":"1.0","type":"link"}